NEVER SPEAK IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY

This morning I woke up with you in mind and my heart felt warm. I miss you and mommy beyond my gift to craft nice words. Simply put lil brother the pain never really leave ((((crying)))) not a year long since you made your journey. I know you know already but I put you in my children's book series. Your Ade's close friend. I hope you don't mind that I made you a kid again :( ... I will give you life the way I know how lil brother. I love you beyond 4ever whatever that means on earth.

(taps me on my shoulder and I turn around)

what the phuk... who's there?
(snickering) muck.
kendall, is that you bro?
why do you seem shaken, you just called on me.
(smiling still looking around the room to see him) where are you?
right here.
where?
stop looking for me. be still and see me.
coo... i miss you. we miss you.
i know. i'm still there just in a different form.
i know.
i know you know that's why i'm reminding you.
(Smiling) you right.
i wanted to let everyone else know that i was still here but God said they weren't ready for that.
why not?
they still took it hard.
so did i ken.
but you have to understand that you had different experiences that made this so much easier for me.
what do you mean?
remember when you were 17, and what you went through with...
okay bro, i got you.
troubledson right...
(((((crying)))))) sometime i still fill like thats where i am bro. this is hard being the oldest brother.
i never new what you were going through muck, until now.
the pressure sometimes keep me from going around there...
i know. i can see it all from here- just to let you know you're doing a great job.
it doesn't always feel that way.
((((crying))))
kendall, you crying?
((((sniffing))))
ken...
i'm here. it's still hard for me too big bro. i don't want to come back but i don't want y'alll to be there.
((((crying))))
((((crying))))
look at me... a mess. (smiling)
(smiling) you too? (smiling)
i feel better after this talk bro.
me too muck, i'm always here.
i know.
just keep doing what you know to do.
how's mommy?
she's okay.
:)
she cried when see saw me. she still be kissing all over me. i think she be kissing me for all of us.
cool- tell her...
she already know muck. it's funny how strong of a connection remains even in the breath in death.
i don't know what else to say.
how about ... talk to you later, or i love you. (laughing)
cool.
well...
i love you kendall.
i love you to muck.
muck, never speak if there's nothing to say. silence is okay bro.